i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I deserve this hangover.
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