You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
