I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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