I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
