I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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