He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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