I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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