I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
