I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
