Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well I just put wine in my tea
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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