no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
