I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
