all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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