just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
