i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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