We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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