I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
