I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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