I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
