I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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