I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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