I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
