if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
