So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
