ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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