I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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