I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We named our party play list daddy issues
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize