I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
