just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
