I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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