I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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