do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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