You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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