the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
