Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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