Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize