There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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