she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
