The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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