I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
