there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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