I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
