Girls should come with a carfax report
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
