Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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