you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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