I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
