I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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