When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
