Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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