She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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