summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
