i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
