well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
