Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
