Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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