rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
