Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You are a genius and a whore.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
