Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
