I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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