Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
