I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The air was thick with penises
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
