now i know why i became what i already was.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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