Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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