He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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