It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
