hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
