do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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