you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize