and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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