I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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