So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize