well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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